Awareness of a Stigma

Before I met my current boyfriend, someone described him as this, "He's an interesting cat, somewhat out there, used to play professional football, and by the way he's Bipolar". At that time, which was about 4 years ago, I never really heard of the term Bipolar.

When I met him for the first time, I felt this amazing aura around him. When he spoke to me, I could feel him truly looking thru my eyes, into my soul. It was amazing but at the same time I felt very vulnerable. It was like he knew what I was feeling, even if I didn't. All I remember thinking was, "I want what he's got".

After dating him for a while, one of my girlfriends pulled me aside and said, "I know you're happy but be careful Marla, he's Bipolar". After this encounter, it seemed more and more concerns and warnings surfaced. The more I heard these statements the more I thought, "do they know something I don't?" I was intrigued by why people thought these things so I picked up a book about loving someone with Bipolar. After a few chapters in, I understood. I've got to admit, I was a bit scared myself. It seemed as if the author pulled together all of the worst cases and published it. The funny thing is, my experience has been totally different than what the book described. It wasn't giving us the whole story.

This brings me to one of the reasons why I believe that the Bipolar stigma even exists. The available information about it seems to be very one-sided. Let's look at how the media has portrayed someone with Bipolar...Remember the Britney Spears incident. The news showed her shaving her head and running around with a bat swinging it everywhere....then out it came that she was diagnosed with Bipolar...Why isn't the news showing people with Bipolar doing positive things?! I take this as a friendly reminder. We need people to share their experiences with Bipolar so others become aware.

~Mar

Feelings--Fact or Fiction?

Have you ever thought with your feelings? Making decisions or speaking because of the way you felt at that moment? I know I have and still do! As a part of my personal growth journey I have realized by doing this I may be thinking with irrational thoughts.

During my personal history inventory, I came across many times when I've reacted (and often times made the situations worse) by thinking something along the lines of "I feel this way so it must be so!" I never used to question my negative feelings, I just believed them. Feelings are often based on powerful memories from our past and they aren't always telling us the truth.

Daily I try to remind myself this. I'm consistently becoming more aware of my negative feelings. Instead of accepting them from the start, I challenge them. Is there any evidence for the feeling or is it just based on things/events from my past? If there's no evidence let go of it! The only thing it's going to do is turn into a negative loop of thinking (mind virus). By doing this, I'm getting closer to achieving my inner peace....which is my ultimate goal in life.....Mar

Victim of the Past

As I mentioned in my previous post, part of my latest epiphany is to "let go of the past". With motivation from someone I hold close to my heart, I am finally looking in the mirror to find the truth. I found that I've been a victim of my past....the things that have kept me "coasting thru life".

By hanging on to (and believing) things like other people's judgments/labels, my father's death, my failed marriage (just to name a few) helped me justify my self-defeating behaviors and the lack of things in my life. Without realizing it (or maybe I chose to look the other way), what I really was doing was labeling myself with the "poor me" status. For instance, I have had many "middle-of-the-road" jobs, never pushing myself to my true potential or passion. Since, I gave myself this status (and believed it), I kept up with a pace where I couldn't fail. With this label, it made it OK.

What I've learned is that by holding on to the past the only thing it's doing is preventing myself from healing and keeping myself from living life in the present moment (this is where I want to be...in the now...so I can truly live this life I was given). We need to Embrace, Examine, Understand and Accept our past. Once we do this then we need to LET GO of it.....I truly believe that I had to go through what I went through in order to be where I am today.....Mar

My ReBirth

I cannot tell you how powerful it is once we figure out that we don't have to rely on other people's affirmations to survive. Being the sibling of a twin is a gift and a curse. The gift being that having someone I love and cherish in whom I've shared a womb with.....the curse?.....being always compared to someone other than myself.

I lost my father to cancer at the age of 23. My knee jerk reaction was to marry the one that I felt was my soul mate. Bad move. I can remember right before our divorce he looked me in the eyes and asked, " Did you marry because of your father's death or because you loved me?" Falling prey to the oh so common trap of not wanting to hurt people, I answered, "Because I loved you". When in reality, it was just the opposite.

I'm now 32 and I've had the epiphany that we need to let go of the past and know that the only people we can count on are ourselves........................................Holla MF's......Mar